Why do we fear the darkness within?
Following on the heels of several weeks of huge emotional shifts, I find myself coming out of darkness and into the light of day. As some of you know, I have been having a significantly human experience lately, and it has involved leaning into and letting go of old emotional wounds and patterns that have held me hostage for many years. As I embrace the light and the new perspective I’ve gained from my recent emotional and spiritual work, I am inclined to reflect on darkness and the darkness within.
We all have places within us that are dark. They could be deep emotional wounds, or reflections of ourselves that we (for whatever reason) judge as “bad.” Regardless of how they got there, they are uncomfortable places, where we fear to tread. And they stay that way because we refuse to shine a light on them. Like many of you, I have spent a great deal of my life trying to avoid seeing into the blackness of my own trauma. I have crafted complicated plans to work around and avoid the darkness I hold inside. I have been afraid of my own darkness, and it has (up until now) kept me from embracing what it really is.
Why do we fear the darkness within?
The darkness within us can be painful and (in my case) deeply sad. It can be frightening and it can be shameful. It can be represented by many emotions, but either way they are the types of feelings most of us try to avoid. We convince ourselves that avoiding the pain of looking at these parts of ourselves keeps us from suffering. The truth is, avoidance does exactly the opposite. It keeps us tied to the things inside that hurt us. If we cannot shine a light on our own internal suffering, we can never let it go, and many of us do not.
For many years I have struggled with the 1st Noble Truth of Buddhism – that life is suffering – for the longest time I thought that was a fatalistic view of life. But as travel on this journey to heal and be a healer, I am coming to understand that each and every one of us experiences some sort of pain or suffering that impacts our lives. We do, in fact, suffer. And yet some of us embrace our suffering and find a path to healing.
One thing I have noticed over the past 8 months of studying to be a RIM Facilitator is that when my clients move themselves into whatever painful emotion they are experiencing and stay in that place for a few minutes, their pain often diminishes. This is where the magic happens. When we realize “oh, this isn’t as scary as I thought,” or “oh, I don’t feel so sad,” it changes our perspective and it lets light into that dark place within us. It is in the act of being with those dark parts of us where we can truly find healing.
My mother and I were recently talking about the shared trauma of our youth, she as a young mother in an abusive relationship and me as her child experiencing all that was going on around me at that time. Our individual work with RIM has allowed both of us to see back into those dark times, shine a light on them and heal. And as a result, our perspectives have shifted. The past is no longer tied to those deep, painful emotions. Instead, we have both come to look back on what was one of our most challenging experiences and see that it was one of our greatest gifts.
There is great strength in confronting the darkness within us. To do so is a brave step toward healing. I found this line in Jamie Sams & David Carson’s book Medicine Cards, and I think it fully captures the truth of it: “Darkness is the place for seeking and finding answers, for accepting healing and for accessing the hidden light of truth.”
