What is Progress?
As a healer, I believe it’s important to be open and honest about my own healing journey. So here we go…
My last RIM Mentor Training session (wherein we work with a Master Mentor and a Senior Trainer – in our case Dr. Deb) was not the example of progress I would have liked it to be. At the end of it, I’m pretty sure I used the word “train wreck” to describe it. I went to bed on Wednesday night feeling angry and frustrated, not at myself or my RIM trainers, but at whatever it is in me that feels like it’s in the way of really being an effective facilitator.
On Thursday, I was a mess. I would periodically be wracked with strong emotional releases (uncontrollable sobbing, mostly), and a desperate need for sleep. So, I took the day off, listened to music, cried, meditated, cried more and took a nap. On Friday I felt much the same, but fortunately I was able to get a RIM session booked with Mike Kline, who is one of my favorite facilitators. I worked through some shit in my session and am still feeling into all of it.
Even with the amazing RIM experience I had, I still felt fragile and messy on Saturday and Sunday. Instead of fighting these emotional releases, I leaned into them – recognizing with each wave of sadness, I was releasing something that I had been carrying for a long time – something that wanted to be released. In fact, one of the things I intuited is that some of this emotional energy wasn’t mine, but it belonged to my ancestors. Modern science has begun to recognize that ancestral trauma is something that can be carried within our DNA and can impact our lives. There are a number of complimentary healing modalities that also acknowledge need for ancestral healing (including RIM). But that’s not my point here.
This is the first time in my life where I’ve had such an extensive experience of emotional releasing. But upon reflection, I can feel the rightness in it. I’ve been doing so much personal emotional work, so constantly for months as part of my RIM training that this week of emotional “unrest” was much needed. And so, I’ve been leaning into it. When these emotions come up, I welcome them and the release. For so many of us, this idea is foreign or even judged harshly. We suppress our emotions and leave them buried deep beneath the surface of our spirits. You may experience the same. Speaking as someone who has been uncontrollably weeping off and on for the past few days, releasing has been working for me. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and it feels sad, but it also feels cleansing and much needed. I’m happier for it.
What began as what I perceived as a “train wreck” turned out to be the perfect progress I need right now. It has given me an opportunity to let go and let it out. My RIM session with Mike Kline helped me better understand myself and it has allowed me to open up to letting go. Sometimes progress looks nothing like what we think it should, and that’s ok. Progress is progress, even if it’s messy.
